Honor Judy Wang by fighting domestic violence

by: Jay Stevens

Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 09:30:02 AM MST

I am horrified and saddened by recent domestic violence homicides in our communities.
In Superior, a mother was hunted down by her husband and killed while she was at work. A Butte woman tried to get a divorce from her husband for more than two years. Even though she had an order of protection prohibiting him from contacting her, her estranged husband found her in Missoula, and shot and killed her along with her companion.

Domestic violence is not a hopeless problem, despite the recent tragedies in our community. There is hope for domestic violence victims, offenders and our communities.

Wang's death coincided with President Obama declaring October "National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, 2009," in which he shows deep understanding for the plight of the abused:

To effectively respond to domestic violence, we must provide assistance and support that meets the immediate needs of victims. Facing social isolation, victims can find it difficult to protect themselves and their children. They require safe shelter and housing, medical care, access to justice, culturally specific services, and economic opportunity....

In the best of economic times, victims worry about finding a job and housing, and providing for their children; these problems only intensify during periods of financial stress....Victims of violence often suffer in silence, not knowing where to turn, with little or no guidance and support....

Overcoming this isolation is one of the greatest hurdles to overcoming domestic violence, yet, sadly,   it's often the aspect of the problem that's never discussed. The victims of domestic violence suffer not only blows from their abusers, but they too often face disdain or contempt from family and friends in a community that perversely stains them with as much shame as their abusers, faulting them either for tolerating the abuse, or not suffering in silence like a proper spouse. Those looking to leave an abusive relationship often have no place to turn, no one to help them leave, and no understanding of their experience. And, too often, the only person a victim can turn to for affection and understanding is the abuser himself, and thus the cycle of violence repeats.

That's why it's so critical to have a place where abused women can go and find shelter, understanding, compassion, and a place where they can reassemble their lives and childrens' lives. In Missoula, that place is the YWCA, which offers "safe shelter, crisis counseling and support for survivors of domestic and sexual violence..." including a 24-hour hotline.

But programs like the YWCA don't operate on their own. They require help, and lots of it. If you were a friend of Judy Wang's, or you're hearing about her for the first time, and you're moved by her sudden death and concerned about the vacuum her death will leave, you can do something for the cause that was central to her work.

I sent YWCA communications director Caitlin Copple a note asking her how folks could help out, and here's her response:

The YWCA holds volunteer advocate training twice a year. It's a 45 hour training that allows volunteers to answer our 24 hour crisis line and work in the shelter. We have lots of other, less time-consuming ways for folks to get involved as well. We always need people to teach Life Skills courses for the women in our programs. We have lots of board sub-committees which need volunteers (such as building, personnel, marketing, fundraising, and finance). We need people to make dinner for our weekly support groups on Tuesdays. There is always yard work and maintenance needs at our shelter and housing apartments. The families in the Gateway program (45-day stays at the Southgate Inn for the homeless) need microwaveable meals and toys and games for the kids. The YWCA recommends anyone interested in plugging into our opportunities first attend an awareness tour (sign up at our web site) so they can learn about the programs and needs.

If you're not in Missoula, please look up your local shelter and groups that combat domestic violence, and see what you can do. In the meantime, help combat domestic violence in everyday life by offering the survivors of abuse, not your judgment, but your help.

Write the Christmas story for Pretty Bird Woman House

by: Andy Ternay

Wed Dec 19, 2007 at 06:40:13 AM MST

A frightened woman on the Standing Rock Reservation feels her pregnant belly and checks the weather. It's below freezing. Should she stay and get beaten again or flee? There's no money for a hotel. She can't stay but she can't risk the lethal cold.  

She has called Pretty Bird Woman House women's shelter, but their building was destroyed by arson. They have no place for her. Georgia Little Shield, Director of Pretty Bird Woman House promised to try shelters on neighboring reservations and see if there was room. The woman feels the baby kick as she stares at the phone, not daring to hope. It rings.

"It's Georgia," says the lady on the phone.

"There's room in another shelter?" asks the woman.

A long silence follows,then Georgia says, "We'll work something out. Let's get you safe. Okay?"

Another Christmas; and a expectant mother with nowhere to go. But there is good news: The ending to this story has not been written. You will write the ending.

YWCA responds to recent Higgins Bridge anti-rape rally

by: Caitlin Copple

Tue Oct 16, 2007 at 14:29:25 PM MST

It pains many of us to hear about sexual and relationship violence happening in our community.  It's admirable that many citizens, led by Paul Wright, lined up along the Higgins Avenue Bridge last Friday to protest the recent rape of a young woman who was walking the river trail.  We know the generosity of spirit that characterizes Missoula residents. 

This spirit of generosity and compassion helps YWCA Missoula offer 24-hour services to people who have experienced sexual assault and relationship violence. This spirit shines through whenever people volunteers to staff our crisis line and shelter, or when they participate in monthly tours to learn more about how our organization addresses and responds to sexual assault and relationship violence.

Sometimes it takes a particular incident of violence to wake us to the reality that violence is occurring-yes, even in our community.  About 25 percent of women experience sexual assault or rape in their lifetime.  Rape by a stranger, however, only accounts for a minority of all sexual violence. 

A typical response to an incident is to remind women about all the precautions we can take to avoid rape: Don't walk at night, carry mace, use the buddy system, etc.  However well intentioned or helpful the advice is, the message sent is that it is the responsibility of girls and women to avoid rape.  These precautions do not prepare women for situations when the person who is violating us is someone we know - a friendly new acquaintance, a co-worker, a long time friend, a partner or a parent.  So, although generations of women have heard these well-intended messages, the statistic has remained the same - one in four women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.

Perhaps change will happen with men joining women in the fight to end sexual violence.  Some men who choose to take on responsibility for men's violence against women have personally felt the indescribable pain of a partner, sibling, parent or friend who has been assaulted. Locally, men have gathered to discuss how what they have been taught about masculinity contributes to a culture where so many women have experienced sexual violence.  Men have answered the crisis line, marched at "Take Back the Night" and supported the women in their lives who have experienced violence.  YWCA Missoula applauds Paul Wright and other men who stand up and speak out against men's violence against women. 

Men Can Stop Rape is a national organization working to mobilize men to work to end violence against women.  They offer these steps to men who want to be more involved:
1. Speak up. When your best friend tells a joke about rape, say you don't find it funny. When you read an article that blames a rape survivor for being assaulted, write a letter to the editor. When laws are proposed that limit women's rights, let politicians know that you won't support them. Do anything but remain silent.
2. Support survivors of rape. By learning to sensitively support survivors in their lives, men can help both women and other men feel safer to speak out about being raped and let the world know how serious a problem rape is.
3. Contribute your time and money. Join or donate to an organization working to prevent violence against women.
4. Organize. Form your own organization of men focused on stopping sexual violence. Men's anti-rape groups are becoming more and more common around the country.

YWCA Missoula invites men and women to join in a facilitated discussion further exploring what men can do to prevent violence at the Roxy Theater on Thursday, Oct. 18 at 7 p.m. following a screening of the movie "Wrestling With Manhood."

Caitlin Copple and Bridget Hanna work at YWCA Missoula.  They can be reached at 543-6691.