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By Caitlin Copple and Bridget Hanna
It pains many of us to hear about sexual and relationship violence happening in our community. It's admirable that many citizens, led by Paul Wright, lined up along the Higgins Avenue Bridge last Friday to protest the recent rape of a young woman who was walking the river trail. We know the generosity of spirit that characterizes Missoula residents.
This spirit of generosity and compassion helps YWCA Missoula offer 24-hour services to people who have experienced sexual assault and relationship violence. This spirit shines through whenever people volunteers to staff our crisis line and shelter, or when they participate in monthly tours to learn more about how our organization addresses and responds to sexual assault and relationship violence.
Sometimes it takes a particular incident of violence to wake us to the reality that violence is occurring-yes, even in our community. About 25 percent of women experience sexual assault or rape in their lifetime. Rape by a stranger, however, only accounts for a minority of all sexual violence.
A typical response to an incident is to remind women about all the precautions we can take to avoid rape: Don't walk at night, carry mace, use the buddy system, etc. However well intentioned or helpful the advice is, the message sent is that it is the responsibility of girls and women to avoid rape. These precautions do not prepare women for situations when the person who is violating us is someone we know - a friendly new acquaintance, a co-worker, a long time friend, a partner or a parent. So, although generations of women have heard these well-intended messages, the statistic has remained the same - one in four women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.
Perhaps change will happen with men joining women in the fight to end sexual violence. Some men who choose to take on responsibility for men's violence against women have personally felt the indescribable pain of a partner, sibling, parent or friend who has been assaulted. Locally, men have gathered to discuss how what they have been taught about masculinity contributes to a culture where so many women have experienced sexual violence. Men have answered the crisis line, marched at "Take Back the Night" and supported the women in their lives who have experienced violence. YWCA Missoula applauds Paul Wright and other men who stand up and speak out against men's violence against women.
Men Can Stop Rape is a national organization working to mobilize men to work to end violence against women. They offer these steps to men who want to be more involved:
1. Speak up. When your best friend tells a joke about rape, say you don't find it funny. When you read an article that blames a rape survivor for being assaulted, write a letter to the editor. When laws are proposed that limit women's rights, let politicians know that you won't support them. Do anything but remain silent.
2. Support survivors of rape. By learning to sensitively support survivors in their lives, men can help both women and other men feel safer to speak out about being raped and let the world know how serious a problem rape is.
3. Contribute your time and money. Join or donate to an organization working to prevent violence against women.
4. Organize. Form your own organization of men focused on stopping sexual violence. Men's anti-rape groups are becoming more and more common around the country.
YWCA Missoula invites men and women to join in a facilitated discussion further exploring what men can do to prevent violence at the Roxy Theater on Thursday, Oct. 18 at 7 p.m. following a screening of the movie "Wrestling With Manhood."
Caitlin Copple and Bridget Hanna work at YWCA Missoula. They can be reached at 543-6691.
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